Last weekend I attended a workshop on depression and mental disorder and how as Christian we can deal with this. While it is a good initiative to make Christians in Malaysia, but it is also it shows how much as Malaysians do not know about this based on the questions Malaysians ask to the American psychiatrist. I think Malaysians are so used to fixed answers that they fail to understand that mental illness is just not dependent on one solution but many.
Anyway, when the psychiatrist was speaking, it reminded me of ‘Perks of being a wallflower’ filmed that I watched on iflix two years ago. That film is about coming of age, abuse and trauma, and how Charlie dealt with all that. I remembered when I started blocking out the voices of my father and my father in-law in my own head. My husband thought I was being disrespectful to them but after watching that film, I realised that I was blocking their voices because I didn’t want to be reminded of the hurt that these both men has inflicted through words. This film brought a new realisation to me that I was just coping and was trying to be alright and ‘less sensitive’.
And the song below was one of the soundtracks for ‘Perks of being a wallflower’ and it is very apt. Depression and mental disorders are real, and though we are trying ways to get out of it, but the song below is a honest rendition of what a depressed person goes through.
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bedSing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don’t try to wake me in the morning
‘Cause I will be goneDon’t feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to goSing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up
On my own anymoreSing to me
Sing to me
I don’t want to wake up
On my own anymoreDon’t feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go
There is another world
There is a better worldWell, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well…Bye bye
Bye bye
Bye…– Asleep by The Smiths