Photo by Rhendi Rukmana on Unsplash
I broke down emotionally yesterday. While every day I make small progress in my work, but I was struggling to write down my findings.
I also have to remember not to take my husband for granted. He has taken some shit from me. He told me that I have to remember that my bad relationship with my father is affecting him.
I could not see how much my relationship with my father affected him. My father, while a good man and provides for the family, but he is the typical baby boomer Asian father. Think of Appa from Kim’s Convenience especially the part when he shuts off his photography major daughter when she speaks. That’s my father.
Growing up, people often told me just let it be because there are worse fathers in the world. Just forget about it, or he is like that.
Come to think of it, for all the best intentions; people ignored my feelings. People tell me to ignore my father. But that doesn’t work. Because when my husband doesn’t ignore me, I treat him as though he did.
Let me say this once and for all, and disclaimer, this statement will not stay permanent.
I hate my father and people who made me tolerate the bullshit. I hate my mother-in-law and people telling to tolerate her bullshit. I hate my husband’s younger sister to ask me to tolerate her mother’s bullshit.
God, I know that people will never protect me because they are humans but why didn’t you protect me? God, I am still angry.