My husband often told me to get closure regarding issues with my father. Well, I guess this is for me to write it out since I never really could voice it out without being shut down because the only advice I will get sometimes is “This for your own good.”
My father is like Don Draper; dominant and pushy. Being a baby boomer Asian man, he thinks that women are meant to do house work and taking care of kids. My mother is already 71 years old and she doesn’t want to do some of the babysitting work anymore due to her age but he verbally pushing that he could do it. He doesn’t treat me like a girl/woman growing up and I had to man up. My husband asked me yesterday why I don’t cry in front of him when my father said presumptuous things to me, but I told him I can’t and my husband asked,
What did your father do in your childhood that you can’t even cry in front of people?
My father will scold me and said that crying don’t solve problems and admonish me for being sensitive.
It really hurts that while my father loves me by providing food, money and encouragement for education, but my strengths are never acknowledge. When I don’t do certain things my father wants me to do, he will presumptuously say, “You don’t go do that to your employers.”
Worse still, yesterday he presumptuously said, “I hope you don’t do that to your in-laws.”
I wished he knows how hurtful his words are and I wished he knew I am already trying my best to be accommodating to my in-laws when they step my boundaries.
In my parents’ eyes, I am that rude, youngest in the family.
I wish my strengths are not their blindspots. When I disagree with him, then he will bring up that I should not go against my employers.
He is really so old fashion. While I understand as Asian baby boomers you grew up with hierarchy but people have opened up. People in higher hierarchy allowed me to question and disagree with them, and that’s alright for good tension because this will bring up better work dynamics.
While he is all about theology and Bible school, I disagree with his stance on it. For example, people’s salvation. I am not going to talk about which religion is better, but more of realisation of God through conviction and questioning.
One of the examples is when one of the church member who had left the church and converted. He said this,
Very sad. Already very difficult bring one into the Kingdom and now we have lost one raised in Christian home. Please continue to teach and impart Godly values on our children.
While to teach and impart Godly values on children is a noble thing, but every second generation Christian have to go through the questioning and conviction of our faith. The thing is, we expect non-believers to question their faith because their faith is not ‘right,’ then what about the supposedly called ‘believers’?
And if we second generation move away from our faith, we will be ostracized. There will not be any more acceptance because, “I thought you are a Christian and you wouldn’t do certain things.”
Do things your way? No.