Stuck

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

It’s the end of July and here are my progress so far:

  • Managed to write 50% of my literature review.
  • Managed to rewrite my logic 5 times and for now it is ready to go. I will tweak along the way.
  • Finish 4 out of 5 mindmaps. One more to go but I admit I am not speeding up as much because Nationalism is a hard topic.
  • Rewrite my introduction.
  • Read up about film writing so that I could write P. Ramlee’s film more coherently.

Looks like a lot but I have not done this:

  • Write the whole damn thing properly especially in expressing my thoughts.
  • Just writing the whole damn thing.

It’s going to be August soon, and I am not too sure if I can even finish writing. I often tell myself to celebrate my small successes because I need it and it worked so far for me. I also had identified the person who is causing stress to me and have created a boundary. Now I actually work better without the mistrust of the certain person. I am doing my work and just because it hit a setback, I am considered not doing my work at all. The setback just means that I am doing it wrongly and I need tips to make it work better. It does not mean that I was not doing my work.

I am actually dragging myself to the co-working space every Monday, but the first step is often the hardest. Once I overcome the first step, everything will slowly fall into place. Not perfect, but it is good enough to move on to the next step.

And today, I am dreading the whole mindmap thing. I feel unprepared though I have packed yesterday.

Today is the Monday that feels worse than the other Mondays.