Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash. Words from DC Talk lyrics.
It’s been more than two years and I have not been seeking God as much.
Oh heck, I am also ashamed of telling people that I am a Christian. I don’t seek God as much though I need too. I am one of the fallible humans, and I have constantly remind myself that I still continually seek God because I can’t do it alone.
Anyway, back to the topic of forgiveness. I struggle to forgive. While I tried my best to pray for God to help me forgive my mother in-law and sisters in-law, but at the same time, I could not let go. I feel the dread having to see them. I know many people say just let go and move on as a good intention advice but my in-laws are volatile. I don’t know when they will be ok, or when they are in combative mode, or when I need to fight. So in my skewed mind, why forgive and go in and face more shit? Can I just forgive and just don’t meet them anymore?
Anyway, let me end with this song from DC Talk. Still as classic to me and often a reminder to me.
Verse 1
Sorrow is a lonely feeling
Unsettled is a painful place
I’ve lived with both
For far too long now
Since we’ve parted waysI’ve been wrestling
With my conscience
And I found myself to blame
If there’s to be any resolution
I’ve got to peel my pride awayChorus:
Just between you and me
I’ve got something to say
Wanna get it straight
Before the sun goes downJust between you and me
Confession needs to be made
Recompense is my way to freedom nowJust between you and me
I’ve got something to sayVerse 2
If confession is the road to healing
Forgiveness is the promised land, oh
I’m reaching out in my conviction
I’m longing to make amends, yeahSo I’m sorry for
The words I’ve spoken
For I’ve betrayed a friend
We’ve got a love
That’s worth preserving
And a bond I will defendBridge
In my pursuit of God
I thirst for holiness
As I approach the Son
I must consider thisOffenses unresolved
Will keep me from the throne
Before I go to Him
My wrong must be atonedIf there’s to be any resolution
I’ve got to peel this pride away
Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoaIt’s my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom
I’ve got something to say
So let me say it todayIt’s my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom
I’ve got something to say
Confession needs to be madeIt’s my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom
I’ve got something to say
Confession needs to be madeIt’s my way to freedom
It’s my way to freedom
I’ve got something to say