Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash
This post is written on 8 January 2017
Yesterday, my friend asked me this honest question over the wedding dinner.
Remember the time I did something between you and your junior, did you both really reconcile at the end? Do you still talk to her?
I was thinking about which incident, and I remembered that I had to meet the junior to apologised for my misgivings years ago but we just did not kept in touch.
But that question stabbed me hard because we all can have discussions on resolving conflicts, make each other apologised to each other, tell each other to forgive because it is a Christian thing and we all have to move on.
I agree that we should forgive and not hold grudges because it will make us bitter. Also this is also for our well-being. But this question make me think really hard. With all the apologies we can make with each other, do we really reconcile? Sometimes we just apologised and move on without ever talking to each other again.
That question that my friend asked, it was unfortunate (or fortunately) he asked at that timing. Recently there was a row with my mother in-law which I didn’t want to be involved in. Generally I try not to be involved in my in-laws matters because I am the outsider and would not understand 100% the context of all the abuse that was happening but I got involved because my husband was blamed for something which was my clearly my issues. Because of that, I had to be in this conversation of reconciliation. Apologies was extended and of course the whole “We are Christians and we have to be a good testimony to others.”
But to be very honest, reconciliation will never be immediate. In fact, sometimes after apologising, we all go on our own way.
And it doesn’t help that I sense (maybe wrongly) that my younger sister in-law expects me forgive fast and move on fast.
I am feeling too much for my friend. I kept telling him that he is not at fault and I have to be responsible for some of the things that happened between my junior and I. I am thankful that he asked me about reconciliation but yet it is such a pain thinking about it.
I wish that my friend can forgive himself, and I will be able to forgive myself too.